They say its time, so here it is!

I have started seeing signs that it's time for me to start sharing some of the things that have been floating around in my head. Time for me to put myself out there and share some of the things that I have been learning/questioning with all of you.

For those of you who know me, this isn't such an easy task. I have no problems sharing things with my friends, but to put out the sometimes crazy thoughts and questions that float around in this head of mine, well that's another story! I've always loved writing whether it was poems, short stories, lyrics that I created to a song (or lyrics I've changed, just ask my kids) or ideas for that bucket list item of writing a book. However they usually stayed in my tattered and worn green spiral notebook that now I am unable to find (go figure) or my multiple sets of journals that are scattered everywhere and I never finish writing in just one. So as I always do when I hear a message even if I know it's going to take me out of my comfort zone, I have to listen and take action from the powers that be. Trust that this plan of theirs will bring more peace and happiness in my life as well as yours and hopefully at least a give you chuckle or two.

So a little bit about me, I am a daughter of two pretty amazing parents (if I would have answers that question in my teen/20 something years well it might have been a different answer) at that age we feel like we know EVERYTHING so much more than our parents, pretty much more than anyone other than ourselves or the people we hang around at that time. Boy was I wrong, it's amazing as we grow up, how the relationships change, you go from baby then toddler, child to mini adult, to I think I'm an adult and know better than anyone else finally landing on more like a friend/child relationship with our parents. I don't think our parents ever see us as anything but their little ones, always are looking out for us and what they think is in our best interest.. At least I am blessed and truly appreciative that is the case in my family. I am so grateful for them and all they have helped me with over the years, I love you mom and dad!! I think though going through the different phases of life prepares us for when our children go through that time in their lives, trying to become independent from our values, beliefs and societal contributions and learn to become mini adults and make decisions for themselves. Heck, I'm still trying to figure out this adulting thing half the time.

I have 2 kids, my one teenager who lives on the computer most of the time and my other one who thinks she's 20 but not yet a teenager, looking forward to her teenager years (Insert eye roll and laughter)! Seriously though the one thing I love most, is watching them grow into who they are meant to be. Not by me or my parents, other family member, friends or all the pressures society places on them. It’s watching when they are playing, laughing, meditating, creating, painting and just living in the moment that really inspires me. Sometimes I feel like they know more than i do about being who they are and not caring about what anyone else thinks. Trusting their feelings and not fearing what that means on the other end. Being true to themselves, these are all things I'm still learning and admire seeing in them.

Enough about me, now to get to what has been bouncing around in this head of mine lately. Realizing more and more each day how truly blessed, loved and happy I have become. As the Dalai Lama states, "The point of life is happiness" right?

My question to you is, what does happiness mean to you? Is it the feeling we finally get when we have the fancy car, tons of friends, lots of money, the big house, peace, love, having someone that really sees and understands you or just simply being and surrendering to the Powers that be? No answer is wrong, there is no judgement here either way. I mean I think everyone wants world peace at this point!

Yet when you dig deep and really get truthful with yourself what is it that makes you happy? What is it that you need to do or need to feel where you say I am "truly happy"?

I went through so much of my younger and early adult life thinking I was happy, but in reality I was lost and afraid. I've made some choices in life that have made me stronger, more independent, less fearful and honestly happier in the long run. This came from me forgiving myself for things I believed I did wrong and forgiving those that I thought have wronged me. I've learned happiness through hard work and a lot of soul searching. Watching my daughters amazing old soul and the notes she leaves around the house for me to find. Seeing how sensitive my son is and how big his heart is towards other people. Helping people with the gifts I have been given and spreading more love and light into this world. Knowing that God has a plan for me and he has always been beside me. (This was huge for me) and if you get stuck on the word "God" feel free to insert whatever that means for you. Your Higher Power/Source/The Universe/ Divinity. I feel we are all learning what happiness means to us, for me that has been forever changing. Realizing who I was yesterday is not who I am today and that forgiveness for myself and others was key to this process. Learning to love my humanness, I guess when I am being truly honest with myself, I can see the love I have for myself and the respect I've given myself (in the last few years really) Being able to share these thoughts and ideas with all of you beautiful people is inspirational and makes me happy. I don't have all the answers, I'm still learning this myself, I guess this is part of the reason I am writing this.

So thank you all for joining me, allowing me to get out of my comfort zone, sharing some thoughts with love and honesty that continue to turn in this sometimes crazy head of mine. I hope that it has brought some laughs and some soul searching for yourself. Know you are never alone, we are all connected and that you are forever loved! Again, Thank you for all that have supported me on this incredible journey and pushed me to be the person I am today. I love you all (you know who you are).

Love, Light and Many Blessings,

Carrie

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